Wishing You a Happy Valentine’s Day

This edition of the newsletter is dedicated to all lovers. Take a bow for keeping the spirit of love burning amidst strong gusts of hate. Among my friends I know some amazing people who have kept the romantic momentum going. I learned from their experiences and took lessons from their mistakes and took notes of their triumphs. Who knows when I shall have to draw on these experiences? And boy do I have a special treat for you, I have two guest authors on this newsletter! Take a deep breathe, smell the love in the air and read on…

Relationships have their own journey and their own culmination. In the last few months, you must have noted that some relationships fell apart, some old ties were renewed and some new bonds forged. Though it is love actually, every relationship is different from the other and has traced individual maps to be where they are. I have been witness to a few of them and a party to a couple of them. This Valentine’s Day, let’s turn the clock back and analyze how much we have traveled, together or otherwise.

The love between Rick and Kaitlin has attained a state of maturity where they are more concerned about the way ahead and how they can keep holding hands despite the pushing and prodding that is bound to happen round them. They have known each other for some time now and they know what to expect from each other in terms of support and encouragement, no matter how much they fight. That, I think, acts as an adhesive in their rather volatile equation. That keeps them together and that is important too, because it keeps the channels of communication open.

Seth and Megan are trying to rekindle a flame that glittered and glowed brightly once, but they have forgotten to cup their hands around it to protect the flame. They’ve lost patience with the little faults in both which are now rolling up to form character-defining mistakes in each other’s eyes. They want everything to be perfect, now that they are together again and with more determination to cling together. But in their effort to cling on, they are not supporting each other enough. And that lack of patience and tolerance is making them bitter with frustration.

Frank and Eleanor are two isolated islands who have come together to form a happy union. They had got used to taking care of themselves and protecting themselves. Now with each other’s support they are doing all they can to inject as much joy as they can into their lives. Their maturity gives their love a sedate, sombre feel, but not without the little pleasures of life that they still continue to enjoy. By the way, Frank plans to propose Eleanor this Valentine’s Day. I’ll keep you posted. Keep an eye on my blog and if you have a love story to share, I’m all ears! Buzz me on Facebook. Scroll down to read about how to save this Valentine’s Day!

If you don’t have a love in your life, it’s okay. You still have friends. I’m glad I’ve met so many of you over the past couple of months and I think you’re fantastic group of people. Rhonda, my Facebook friend, is one of them. We’ve been friends for a while but never really talked until she said, “Hi” to me on Facebook. She started praising the newsletter and how it had touched her, etc. Anyway, I’ll let her explain all that to you…

The following is from Rhonda:
Well as promised I will write to you what I can on how your newsletters brought me through some emotional times.. I did have several prior to this, but the only letters I actually started reading were the ones during the holidays and new years… the first was sent out on December 11th and it started with LOVE AND LOSS, which caught my attention so quickly…. Why, because I had loved and lost greatly just a few days prior.. in truth years prior, but it’s such a long story to tell.. I can try and make it short and sweet.. My husband (ex) and I had been separated for a year.. when we split, I came and lived with my mother and he became roommates with my best friend… actually the three of us were very close and loved each other greatly.. I loved my husband of course differently than my friend, but it was stilll love. Anyhow, my husband and I split after 15 years of marriage and as I said, he became roommates with “our” friend. 1 year later to the day almost, my best friend decided to tell me that she was now going to step up her feelings for Don and return the feelings that he had for her. So now, they are in a LOVE relationship.

This tore my heart out, as now I have completely lost my husband and any hope that I thought I might have (but knew i really didn’t) and i also lost my best friend as I couldn’t see myself in either one of these relationships. This really hurt, as it was just around Christmas, and I was so looking forward to spending it with both of them and family.

So Christmas was looking pretty grim. And then I got your newsletter(s) and when I read them, each story, had just a little bit of me and my life in it. You and your story of Love and Loss, made me laugh and cry. My ex told me he would always be my friend, but nothing more. And I was too stubborn to not hear the words, or see the picture, and then my friend and him taking their relationship to the next level. I saw it all in your story — by the way there was nothing foolish in the step you took, you spoke from your heart and that is always good. Your friend and you, if you are still friends cherish it. I wish that I could be friends right now, with my love(s). One thing I have learnt, in some of this, people will chose what is right for them, which is what we should do. People will do hurtful things to others, but it is how we allow those things to effect us. We are only the makers of our own pain. No one else.

Anyway, I could go on and on and on, about my life, and the lessons I have learned through some of my experiences over the past year and especially over the past month or so. My friend and I are gradually talking to each other, that is good, my ex and I, we don’t talk and yet I am more angry at my friend than I am with him. Go figure! Makes some strange sense hey.. Stay tuned for the rest of Rhonda’s mail on my blog.

A topic that I have been hearing for some time now stood up right in front of me and challenged me head on. And the question has lovers divided into two divisions: some believe in it and the other don’t. And both the sides seem equally firm on their beliefs. Okay, without drawing it out any further, the question is about the custom of having a particular day to express your love. In short, why Valentine’s Day? Believers feel that having a day to say ‘I Love You’ is important because more often than not, we forget to say it in the daily bustle of life. And it’s this one day when we can celebrate being in love. Skeptics say that designating a day to express love makes it mechanical and forced. It is much better if we express emotions as and when we feel like.

Impressed by my points? Don’t jump to conclusions, these are not mine! This is what Irina and her new boyfriend discussed in the days leading up to their first Valentine’s Day together. While Irina tried to make him understand that Valentine’s Day is not just about commerce and card shops, her boyfriend insisted that it was exactly that and nothing more. It was only because Irina can’t pursue an argument for long that things cooled down. Her fickle-mindedness (as she calls it, “monkey brain”) actually helps sometimes!

But their discussions did open up a can of worm or petals, depending upon the side you are on! Yes, there’s validity in both points, but just for the sake of argument, I want to say a few things myself. Celebrating Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean that it’s being done because they didn’t have the time to say ‘I Love You’ all through the year. They have and maybe in a fairly regular way. But they also want to say it on Valentine’s Day because love is an emotion which keeps asking for more ways of expression. You cannot help but feel warm and fuzzy when love’s in the air and your love is with you on February 14th. It’s a nice feeling — ask people who felt so last year, but are unfortunate enough not to feel it this year. Am I talking like a believer? I told you, you are either on this side or the other! Which side are you on?

Talk about having different expressions of love. We have another guest author Scot McKay, who is a dating coach writing in. Scot, along with his wife Emily, are dating coaches and founders of X & Y Communications. They met online and now live happily together in San Antonio, Texas.

Check it out:

Valentine’s Day Without Breaking The Bank… Or Your Heart by Scot McKay

It’s almost Valentine’s Day again. This means women get visions of romance and “movie moments”. And us guys? We get visions of our own, only ours are more like nightmares.

After all, as February 1st rolls around we’re bombarded with advertisements reminding us that it’s our beholden duty to “show our love” to the woman in our lives by dialing 1-800-FLOWER. This supposing, of course, we’re not wealthy enough to give a woman what she really deserves according to the diamond commercials.

It’s enough to make a guy envy those who are dateless on Valentine’s Day. If the credit card bill after Christmas didn’t make a dent in the bank account, February 14th is always looming directly afterward…only a month and a half away, right?

Well, with the financial stress naturally associated with Valentine’s Day coupled with the state of the economy, there’s no wonder that most of us as guys really dread it. But fortunately, I don’t think we need to put nearly as much pressure on ourselves as we tend to.

For starters, I’m not at all convinced that women need us to spend big-time dollars on them in order to make the occasion special for them. The point is to create romance. And I have never known “romance” to be defined by anything that can be bought or sold, be it flowers, candy or—yes—even diamonds.

Rather, “romance” can best be defined as a magical moment shared uniquely by a man and a woman, usually unplanned and spontaneous, which can never be replicated and which will never be forgotten. Think of the rowboat scene in “The Notebook” or the end of “An Officer And A Gentleman”, and you’ve got two shining cinematic examples of exactly what I’m talking about.

Certainly, in the movies the “big moment” never happens as a direct result of having spent money. Even when a guy proposes, it isn’t (or shouldn’t, at least) be about the ring itself, but rather the love and mutual affection it represents. In any real “romantic moment”, any physical things that are present should only serve as props to support the moment itself. They should never make the moment, per se.

Really, any guy who doesn’t get this basic principle, shoots himself in the foot. And he does so in two ways.

First, he robs himself of the experience of literally igniting a woman’s femininity when he isn’t constantly on the lookout for romance waiting to happen. Indeed, when creating romance is a habit instead of a chore, it becomes something that can theoretically happen 365 days per year. So then, the “pressure to perform” on Valentine’s Day virtually goes away.

Second, it’s precisely when a man is at a total loss for creating romantic moments that he slips into the trap of feeling like he needs to buy his way out of trouble when “dreaded” holidays like Valentine’s Day come along. And usually, the woman really would much rather have that amazing feeling that only you as a real man can bring her as opposed to “stuff”—especially “stuff” for it’s own sake, bought pretty much out of perceived obligation.

So allow me to encourage a mind shift this Valentine’s Day. Instead of being influenced by marketing, start listening to your heart. After all, isn’t that in the spirit of the holiday itself? And who knows? Take away what bums us out about Valentine’s Day, and we as guys may even be able to enjoy it ourselves… rather than assuming that only women are allowed to.

Be Good,
Scot McKay

Scot has a program for men on how to manage relationships with women: The Leading Man. Emily’s latest program for women, Attraction Makeover. Both Scot and Emily can be found on Facebook or on Twitter at @scotmckay and @emilymckay respectively.

Do you have any questions for Scot or Emily? You can get to the Newsletter comment section, or the Facebook group and Scot would be happy to answer them! Let me know if you want to see more articles from the experts and what sort of articles you want to find. Comment here.

Talk about 1-800-FLOWERS, Valentine’s Day weekend is going to be special this year in New York! All my friends who are smitten by Cupid’s arrows are planning something special this Valentine weekend to celebrate love. Some are holding their cards close to their chest, while others have given me a sneak peek at their plans. Adrian for instance. Yes, he’s still not as secretive as lovers tend to be. He’s always come up to me with the blue print and made changes at my suggestions. Yes, there has been times when my idea goofed up, but he never came back and complained, trusting that I had the better intention in mind.

This Valentine’s Day weekend, he’s planing a rather extravagant surprise for Cathy. He’s decided to express his love through the silent, but elegant language of flowers. He’s ordered 13 roses. His plan is to get it delivered to Cathy with each rose stem having an alphabet tied to it. The alphabets are I, L, O, V, E, Y, O, U, C, A, T, H, and Y. The final stem will also have a nice note, the content of which is being fine-tuned by him at the present. Frank has been very upbeat about this ‘day of the young’, as he put it. He’s planned a little surprise too, but I don’t know what. But I know there is something coming up Eleanor’s way by the twinkle in his eyes when he was talking to me about Valentine’s Day. You can always trust Frank to be dotting all the ‘i’s and crossing all the ‘t’s.

What are you doing this Valentine’s Day? Are you going to be celebrating love like many of my friends? Do you have a Valentine’s Day idea that you want to share with me? Write to me. This editon of the newsletter had to end with a love quote! Here’s one by Eva Gabor without frills but loaded with feeling: “Love is a game that two can play and both win.” Do you agree?